Tag Archives: work

Finally, a Remedy for Annoying Co-workers

During my daily walk to and from work, I often hear people complaining to their friends (or anyone who will listen) about the person at work that drives them crazy.  I wonder about the effect of this venting process.  Will the irritating person magically hear these complaints, and thus consider the option of changing their irritating behavior?   Does the listening friend have some secret connection to the irritating person, and the ability to alert him or her about these disturbances?  Or, is there a transformation through the venting process, where the “victim” realizes that the problem is theirs and the irritating person is just the “trigger” of some underlying issues yet to be uncovered?

Alas, in the June 21st Career Couch column in the New York Times, Phyllis Korkki’s does a great job at laying out some options for these unhappy street “venters”. In I Find You Annoying, but I Can Cope, Korkki summarizes some common sense wisdom about managing day-to-day perturbances that come with most workplaces.

For example,  “How can you can minimize the impact of co-workers who talk ad nauseam  … or who talk loudly on the phone… or who eat smelly food at their desks or slurp their coffee? “   In this Career Couch column we learn that these perturbances can be due to the other (irritating) person, you, or the layout of the space.     The good news is that rather than “seethe inwardly and complain bitterly to family members and friends after work”, there are creative alternatives such as purposeful venting with a friend, direct communication, taking a break, and/or involving a manager.

Purposeful “venting” involves talking to a friend (or other good listener) about the problem with an ear toward how you might take responsibility and/or action to transform it.   In my experience direct communication of the problem is the most effective tactic (once you’ve had a productive venting session).   If a problem is not communicated to someone who can fix it,  chances are it will not get fixed.  By communicating directly with the “irritating person”, you give that person the opportunity to know that a behavior of theirs is annoying to you.  This communication should not be blaming “You did this or that” but should be explanatory “When you do this …”   By communicating directly, you may even learn that you are not disempowered by the will of that “inconsiderate co-worker” but rather you are empowered to impact your work environment.

Sometimes this sort of direct communication will uncover an underlying cause of the problem that actually unifies the unhappy co-worker with the person causing the annoyance.  For example, you discover that the noise in the “open” office is due to your co-worker’s hearing impairment and as a solution, the co-worker moves to a location that is more suitable for you both.

But, will the culture of your organization support this type of direct communication?   Are there unspoken power dynamics (due to gender, age, race, ethnicity, culture) that prevent us from using  “direct communication” to unravel workplace annoyances.   Or, does the culture of the organization create and support instances where co-workers can safely communicate with one another.

In their books, Becoming a Conflict Competent Leader and Building Conflict Competent Teams, Craig Runde and Tim Flanagan help leaders “learn how conflict naturally occurs as well as what they need to do to get the best out of it”.

The good news is that there are creative alternatives to responding to the workplace nemesis.  And, workplaces that are “communication and conflict friendly” can provide an environment where these “annoyances” can be managed at the lowest level of conflict intensity and serve only as a bump in the road, and not as a pothole!